Tuesday Thoughts

I've been pretty busy the past week that there has been rarely any time for me to rest and I'm a person who needs my rest cos I generally fall ill very easily. I'm really thankful that despite the lack of rest and having to run around more than usual, I'm still well! I don't want to jinx it cos I honestly think I may fall ill soon, but thank goodness I'm still hanging in there and also for the existence of YL essential oils.

Another thing I'm thankful for is that Kaitlin didn't catch the nasty stomach flu bug from her class. I honestly was pretty pissed off that the school did not inform us earlier cos I would have definitely kept her away from school once I knew. Well, I didn't bring her to school yesterday, but she ended up catching a cold in the evening so I kept her away from school today as well. Needless to say I woke up quite a number of times at night but I'm thankful that it's just a flu bug and nothing serious that I can't handle. I'm really thankful that I've the chance to stay at home and care for Kaitlin, cos in situations like this I won't have to worry about her in school and I would be able to look after her myself.

Moreover, I got to spend precious time with Kaitlin! Even though babygirl attends half-day school and we spend most of the rest of our time together, I still enjoyed our extra morning together very much. It made my Monday better and I was actually feeling nostalgic. I recalled the times we would spend entire days together before she had started school. We would play at home, some days we would head outdoors to catch some sun or we would go to indoor playgrounds and on other days I would bring her with me to run errands. Yes, despite having to carry our diaper bag and her (not so light as before!), having a not-so-peaceful brekkie and rushing around..it was one of the best Mondays ever.

Aside from all that, I'm really glad for how these past few weeks has been. It's been tiring physically and mostly emotionally and at times to the point where I've questioned myself over and over again and felt like utter crap..but I guess some things in life happen for a reason and that matter alot. Some that are important to you and that you wouldn't want to risk losing or letting go, and some that you choose to ignore or forget cos it seems like the better option.

Now, I'm just hoping that babygirl recovers soon and that none of us at home gets the flu bug. Faster get well my little sweetheart <3

Linking up with:

Goodbye 2013, Hello 2014

We're already into the second week of 2014, and I've yet to do a proper reflection of 2013 D: Been busy planning and preparing for Daddy Li's birthday..but now that it's over I think it's about time to really realize that it's 2014 and for some things on my to-do list be checked off!

Well 2013 wasn't a bad year for me. Neither was it over the top fantastic. I feel pretty happy about how the year turned out. Though I didn't achieve as much as my peers or the typical youth my age, but I find it to be a very rewarding year. 

Rewarding in that a large portion of my time was spent with Kaitlin. The first half was spent busy finding her preschool and dealing with the emotions and endless list of worries that came along with it. Then she transitioned to half day pre school and I witnessed lots of other milestones. 

In Sept, Daddy Li was done with serving the nation. Finally we were done with being tied down and having to adapt to him being on and off around. It was definitely something worth celebrating as we got through the two years as a family, and I was might proud of my other half. It kind of made me felt like if we could get through that, I don't see why we can't get through anything else.

And for me personally, I did achieve a little something. Like I said, whatever I've done in 2013 isn't a great achievement but I still think that it was better than nothing at all. Well I got this blog started. It used to be a personal blog, but now I've got a .com and I just hope to document Kaitlin's growing years and to share it with the people who care and also to share our experiences as parents. I found the Internet to be a very useful resource whenever I wasn't sure what I should do. Reading the blogs of fellow parents not only taught me many new things about parenting, but also made me feel more reassured about my role as a mom, my way of bringing up Kaitlin and my decision to be a stay-at-home mom.

I think you could also consider raising a toddler an achievement right? I think people definitely need to give moms more credit, whether we are working or not. Working moms have to go out to work in the day, and back home they have to fulfill their motherly duties. Stay-at-home moms have a 24hr job. We don't just sit around and watch the kids. We have to prepare the meals, feed them, shower them, change their diapers. That's just the minimum and the list goes on. Plus, I do think that waking your grumpy toddler up, showering and feeding her plus getting yourself ready and all out of the house in an hour is not an easy skill to master. Not forgetting, dealing with tantrums is also some sort of art of war. Just like how you work for your boss, I too work for one. Just that mine's 2 years old, and your's is 42. 

So yes, I'm just going to put behind whatever happened in 2013 and just start anew in 2014. I'm kind of in this situation where there's lots I want to do, and I don't know where to begin. Yet, a part of me still feels a little comfy with how life's been and I'm not that willing to make changes. I'm the kind that just likes being comfortable with whatever's happening, and changes are something that I really like. That's something I definitely need to work on. I don't think I'm going to make any resolutions for 2014 for now. Probably by the time I do, it'll probably be March. But that's cos if I do want to make any resolutions, I want to be sure that I am ready to do it and won't give up halfway.

I guess that kind of concludes this post. A much needed post for myself to just reflect on the past year, and prepare myself for the new year ahead (a little late, yes I know..but we all function at our own pace right?). 

Sorry for the lack of pictures in this post. I'll be back to blogging normally soon! Till then, I just want to wish whoever's reading this a very Happy New Year and that they 2014 will be a fantastic year for you. 

Kaitlin's Playgroup Year-End Concert

Kaitlin's school had their year-end concert last Friday and boy was I excited for it!! I think I was more excited than Kaitlin and it was such a special day for Kaitlin and us.

The concert was held at the Singapore Post Theatrette. Lucky for her playgroup class, they did not have to arrive as early as the other kids so Kaitlin got to wake up at her usual time. We dropped her off so that she could prepare with her teachers and friends, while Daddy Li and I had some rare couple time where we mostly stoned and eagerly waited for the performance to start.

After the usual speech and all..the show was about to begin! We got to see slideshows of all the kids in the school and of course I had to snap away when they showed Kaitlin's class. Basically it was a compilation of them in class and also during their rehearsals for their performance.

Seeing them practice for the performance totally made my heart melt! It's like they did all that for us?! And they are only 2! They may not know that the performance was for us, but the fact that they practice and then did it on stage later was such a sweet moment that I almost teared.

Here's the performance:

I didn't edit it at all and it's a little shaky here and there. If you get to the end of the video, you'll realise that Kaitlin didn't move much as in she didn't do most of the actions but that was totally fine by us. I think it was already awesome enough that she went on stage and didn't start crying. In fact, I'm not too sure if she saw us while on stage, but as you can see in the video she seemed to be looking at us for awhile.

Oh...I don't know how to really describe the entire moment. It was such a mix of being excited and us trying to snap and film away that when the performance ended I was like "what just happened?!" cos there were just so many emotions. Thankfully though we had the video above so I could totally re-watch (I've already watched it at least like 5 times over hehe!) it and see what really went on.

We spent the rest of the concert with K seated with us, which was a great move on the school's part cos obviously all the small kids would want to be with their parents. Kaitlin basically just snacked the whole way through the other performances. She wouldn't stop eating all her puffs that by the end she had almost finished all of it. Thankfully she was a good girl as well and didn't get cranky or fidgety at all. We didn't stay through to the end of the concert like we had wanted to cos of K's naptime. Luckily the only time she got cranky was when we got on the cab to leave and by then she was starting to get tired so it was totally understandable.

Daddy Li and I are both very proud of our little girl. It's not just this performance that made us feel this way..but in a way the concert was kind of the icing on the cake. I think the performance just shows how much Kaitlin has grown since she's started school. She definitely picked up both good and bad habits, but I think it's safe to say there are more good ones than bad. I remember how it was such a tough search looking for her school and how undecided I felt. Even on the first week of school, watching her cry in tears totally made my heart ache and I always questioned if I did the right thing and I always did consider if I should just pull her out from school. After the performance, I finally felt like I did do something right after all..and I feel even more assured that Kaitlin's doing just fine in class.

With the year coming to an end, I'm definitely getting a little worried about how Kaitlin is going to adjust to moving up to Nursery level with new classmates, a new classroom and new teachers. I know it's not going to be a smooth transition, but I can only hope for the best. And like always, I'll just have to hold her hands, hug it out with her and reassure her that it will all be fine.

--

To my dearest Kaitlin, you've done mommy and daddy so very proud, and we are so happy with how much you've learnt and achieved. You've always been surprising us with what you've learnt and what you are capable of doing. Sure, you might be slower than your peers in certain aspects and I was always the worry wart, but we really couldn't ask for more from you. As for Nursery, we'll get through whatever transition you've to make Kaitlin, mommy will always be here. Always. For now, just enjoy the rest of the school year my little sweetheart!

Thoughts and a little update

(One of the last pictures I took of Kaitlin the day before she turned TWO, and yes that's taken at a clinic)

The past almost one week has been rather tough. Kaitlin has been quite a handful to handle, throwing lots of tantrums and being very short-tempered. Yes, it happens. I guess she is going through the terrible twos phase. I thought we already had it bad and I had no idea that it could get any worse *faints*

On top of that, she fell ill. I had no idea how she fell ill but I guess it's got to be school. She basically woke up on Sat morning with a fever and we brought her to the docs on Monday. Her fever is gone so that's great. She's just left with a really bad cough and slight runny nose. Well, cos of that she had to skip going to school on her birthday and spent it at home. I guess that could be a good thing for a kid right?

Well anyway, in the past two days that she had her fever everything felt like a mess. First, we had to deal with her fever. This is her second time having a fever so we aren't very used to it. Of course that's a good thing, but at the same time we weren't sure how to deal with it. I mean she can't really communicate how is she exactly feeling so that's the hard part and it's hard to get her to understand that we are really just trying to help her.

Her super bad attitude and temper has definitely made Daddy Li and I very frustrated. I'm not going to lie and say we are perfect parents that have lots of patience. As much as I try my best to keep calm and deal with the situation, Kaitlin at times really pushes the limit.

This bad behaviour had made me wonder and think about my parenting methods. Like what have I done wrong? Did I spoil her? What can I do better or what should I do instead? Why is it that I can't seem to bring her up the right way? In short I kind of feel quite sad about it and am starting to doubt my ability to parent.

I am still doubting myself, but well that aside I have to admit that I can't stay angry with K for long. Seeing her turn two was an amazing feeling. She was cranky despite the fact that it was her birthday and we gave in to her whines and demands -.- total princess attitude over here. But yes, seeing my babygirl turn two and celebrating with her in our own way was just so special to me.

I only hope that this phase will be over soon. I'm at a lost and I sometimes feel like giving up on this whole stay at home parenting thing cos I feel like I haven't been doing a good job bringing her up :( What's more, I don't want to keep losing my temper at her, or have to resort to time-outs at the naughty corner almost everyday cos she is just going to get used to it and whatever method I use next will also not work out eventually. OH LIFE. Time to go read up on how to deal with toddler tantrums. Until then, I think we'll be rarely going out cos she can be quite the handful even in public and I do not appreciate stares from people who don't have kids and just don't understand.

Oh, how I love this daughter of mine so very much, but yet sometimes she can drive me up the wall. All I can say is parenthood is never easy but I'll never exchanging this whole experience for anything else in the world.

If you are wondering if I am going to do an update about Kaitlin's birthday, yes I will soon. We'll be celebrating with her godparents this weekend and she'll be having her belated birthday celebration in school next week so do check back if you are interested :)

You'll always be missed.

It's been almost two years since you've left, but the truth is the pain is still there, and you'll always be fondly remembered.

This was one of the rare photos we took together. It was also the last time I got to celebrate your birthday with you. Time flies, much has changed. The only thing that hasn't is that you'll alway be my Dad.

If only you were still around..if only I could share my joy of bringing Kaitlin up with you..if only I could turn back time..I hope you are happy and in a better place, no longer having to deal with the pain. I love you and miss you so very much Dad.



Linking up with:

[Daddy Matters] - A special post from Daddy Li!

With it being Father's Day tomorrow, I decided to let Daddy Li "take over" my blog and share a little about anything he wanted about his fatherhood journey:

***

When we first found out that Bev was expecting, I was happy yet I felt really lost and didn’t know how to feel about it.  That’s because I didn’t expect myself to be someone’s father so early. Very different from a lot of people where most of them built up their career before setting up a family. 

For me I started off with a family when I was young, and a lot of people tell me that its good, reason being when our daughter grows up we can connect and be more of friend than parent and child relationship. 

Well I don’t know how many of those people were just trying to be nice. But whatever man. I personally as a father then, felt that I wouldn’t be able to be a good father because I don’t know anything about parenthood. But as time passes by everything just seem like its getting on to the right track. I guess this is just like a baby learning to walk, we as fathers learn how to be one through cleaning up poop, vomit, panic when baby is running a fever, this are all part and parcel of fatherhood.

People always tell me that it’s good that I'm a father when I'm young. It’s true! Being young allows me to keep up with my active baby, but of course that doesn’t mean that I don’t get tired at all. I still feel shagged out at times especially after coming back from camp but luckily there is mummy around to tank!

Thus far it's not been a easy journey but I really enjoy seeing my baby girl growing up. From rolling to crawling to walking. These are moments that make all the hard work worth while and I just feel so contented with every small step that my daughter is taking. 

I am very thankful that despite how difficult parenthood can be, my wife and I still work together and try to give our best. Parenthood has not been an easy journey, but I'm lucky and thankful that I've my wife who copes with the most part of it. Ever since I became a dad I definitely can relate and understand that being a daddy is no easy job so to all the fathers out there, HAPPY FATHER”S DAY!



Linking up with:

Mothers' Day 2013

Happy Belated Mothers' Day to all the mommies out there :) Sometimes I feel it should be Mothers' Day everyday..or at least once a week don't you think!

Mothers' Day this year was quite different as I hoped for it be. Well, I won't lie, I definitely thought I could possibly rest in a little more and relax on this day, but well we all know a mother is on call 24/7. Kaitlin was being a mischievous one and wasn't exactly on her best behaviour, but well that's kids for you right.

Nevertheless, it was still great to be able to spend time with Kaitlin and Daddy Li. Daddy Li brought us for brunch at PS. Cafe.

It was a yummy one, and here comes the confession. We gave Kaitlin her first taste of fries D: She saw us nomming away on the truffle fries, and of course didn't want to miss out on the action, so well we just decided that just for today..she shall have some fries. Yikes! Before you start judging, it ain't easy to say 'No' to a toddler, without a meltdown following after, and we really didn't want such a situation happening. Afterall, it's the weekends, so I think an occasional treat is fine.

We also got the PS. Breakfast Stack to share. It was a little too "vegetarian" for us, cos there was no meat at all..should have like some bacon or sausages. But anyway! The portobello mushroom was lovely. It was so juicy and so full of flavour, and the poached egg was cooked to perfection.

At night, I got a handwritten note from Kaitlin with the help of Daddy of course. She of course wanted to "personalize" her note which explains the lines everywhere, but well I like it that way :))

Prior to our Sunday celebration, I also received presents from Kaitlin on Friday. Gotta thank her teachers for it as well. My first mommy day presents, definitely keeping them cos I'm a sentimental person like that :)



On Saturday, Daddy Li also cooked me my favourite steak with mushroom sauce. Love it. Super good and I wish I could have more. I know I sound like a glutton, but hey hey you can't have enough of food that's cooked with love right! Thanks hubxz <3



So well, that's how Mothers' Day went for me..still on duty, and well..frankly if I left Kaitlin all to Daddy Li, I would have most definitely been worrying all day cos I'm such a worry wart, and needless to say I would have missed her lots.

Now that I'm writing this post, I can finally reflect on life as a mother this past one and a half years. All I can say is, it was very different from what I expected. I definitely knew that being a mother will never be easy, and there will be crying babies and hair-pulling moments, but just knowing and experiencing it first hand is a vast difference.

I'll go a further step to admit that I do complain about Kaitlin's bad behaviour or the lack of time I have for sleep and freedom, but I still love that girl so very much. I'm not a perfect mother, and looking after kids ain't a bed of roses. On Saturday, I even had a meltdown and cried really bad cos of so many different reasons relating to Motherhood. The whole journey from being pregnant to giving birth, and bringing up a baby was never easy. Daddy Li suggested switching Kaitlin to full day school, so I could have a break and rest or do whatever I wanted. I immediately said no and cried even harder. That's not what I wanted. I so very much want to be a part of Kaitlin's life and growing journey. I want to be there for her whenever I can, to be there for her, support her and comfort her. To be the bad guy that disciplines her when she's done something wrong, and to also be the one to encourage and praise her along the way.

I told him point blank that yes I am tired, yes it's not easy, and I get angry or frustrated, but since I've decided to give birth to her and bring her into this world, it is my responsibility to look after her. Not that it is said that it is our responsibility to do so, but I very much believe that it is. Why give birth to a child if you don't have the intention to look after him or her and want to outsource someone else to do it. Of course, I do understand that in certain situations, some people don't have a choice. But given a choice, I do think parents should be there for their children whenever they can.

From the very first time that I carried her while still in the operating theatre, I could only think of how  she would be a part of my life for real now, and that I will do whatever I can to give her the best and shower with all the love and concern I can. I knew that no matter what I would protect her with all my life. No matter what happens, if she hates me or thinks I'm a nag and bothersome in the future, I'll still be her mother, and will always love her.

So till today, I've not had a full sleep for more than two hours, I've not been able to go about most of my usual activities as in the past like going to beach to tan, or having a fun night out..but I do get smiles, hugs and kisses from the little one. Sometimes watching her sleep can even be the highlight of my day.

Motherhood is life changing, it's scary (especially if you are a first timer, and being the first amongst your friends to give birth and don't know who to turn to for help or advice), it's tiring, it's smelly (poop cleaning and sometimes you don't even get to shower), it tests your patience (tantrums and bad behaviour), but it's the best thing that's ever happened to me, that and getting married.

I love you so so so very much babygirl. Thank you so much for coming into my world, and letting me be a part of yours.



Linking up with Tuesday Thoughts

Goodbye 2012, Hello 2013!

This is it. We've finally got to the last day of the year and in less than 12 hours we will be welcoming 2013!

I'm feeling a mixture of emotions. On the one hand, I don't want 2013 to come. That means another whole year ahead of you and more expectations and goals which also means more stress. Also, I'm just afraid of what the whole year is gonna be like.So daunting. Yet, I guess it could be something good. Time for change (which I don't really fancy). Or actually it might mean nothing at all. Life goes on..the same. I guess the only way to know is to just let time tell right. Take things as they come, and tackle whatever problem when it arises instead of thinking of so many "what if's".

To be fair, I think 2012 has treated me well, much better than 2011.

For a start, Kaitlin is much easier to handle now that she is older. No more crazy moments when she was an infant and we were totally clueless as to what to do. I can safely say I feel x8324756128 times more confident taking care of her now as compared to back then. Though, I don't think I could deal with another infant plus active toddler anytime soon. We definitely want to expand our coop, but thinking about it is scary!

Daddy Li and I have grown closer I feel. Well, not in the romantic, lovey dovey sense but more of the comfortable way. Of course with that said, we have had very little moments to ourselves where we are like a dating couple :( Need more of that *coughs* *pokes and prods Daddy Li*. In any case, though at times he may not be around, his presence definitely makes a difference. As I said before, he really is my pillar of strength. Even if I'm mad at him, it's still better that he is around than he is not.

Health wise, we've been falling ill once in awhile, but that's way better than accidents or anything of that sort so that's great.

2012 has definitely been a year of planning. Planning for our future home, and plans for Kaitlin and ourselves.  Till now, we have had no concrete conclusion. It's quite annoying cos we wanna just get it over and done with but it really isn't that simple. Life of an adult is so stressful D: I really hope come 2013, a few things can be finally sorted out and we can properly get on with life.

I haven't set any resolutions for 2013. I'm thinking if I should cos I usually end up not fulfilling half or even any of them so it's quite pointless and at the end of it I feel so useless! We'll see how it goes and perhaps I might even post up my goals here just so that maybe I would feel pressurized enough to get started on my goals and fulfilling them.

Well, however 2012 has treated you, it's finally coming to a close so just throw whatever sadness/angst/rubbish that has come your way in 2012, and just be happy for 2013! It's a whole new year for us all to start from scratch.

On behalf of Kaitlin and Daddy Li, here's wishing all you readers and your loved ones A HAPPY NEW YEAR, with great beginnings :)

She surprises me yet again

Today was such a long day! The past week has been pretty tiring, without out the help of an extra pair of hands, aka, Daddy Li, and today was the same situation again since he couldn't come home.

The day started off rocky. Kaitlin woke up earlier than usual. Not her fault there, since she slept earlier the night before. She didn't want to eat her breakfast, and didn't take a proper morning nap..and then she didn't want to eat much for lunch. She finished what was in her bowl, but that was only because I played it safe and gave her two spoonfuls. Yeah, that's all she ate.

If you're wondering is she not hungry? Well, I guess she wasn't cos she was practically bugging to be breastfed the first half of the day, which kind of explains her appetite.

I was thinking in my head that today was surely gonna be a long day. I still had to tackle dinner time and sleeptime.

Well, things took a turn in the evening. I brought her out to play at the playground at Paragon in the evening. It started to rain a little and I had to put the rain cover for the pram on. She wasn't open to the idea, and was making a little noise initially, but I just told her nicely that I really didn't have a choice, and to bear with it for awhile. She probably felt contained with the cover on, but it was really a no-choice situation. I rather she cry then fall ill. To my surprise, she took it well, and kept quiet till we got to the bus stop. That definitely made me feel relieved, but I still had to worry about getting on the crowded bus, and getting off and putting her back on her pram with the cover on.

I worried too much. Kaitlin was such an angel. Initially, when we got off the bus and I put her on the pram, she was making noise again, but I told her again that I really didn't want this and I'm really sorry about it and handed her her baby doll and she was fine. No screaming, no tears.

We got home, and I immediately prepared her dinner, and thinking to myself what a good girl she's been and even if she didn't want to eat her dinner, that's fine. I shall try to remain patient and encourage her still. Well, my babygirl surprised me yet again. She ate her dinner. No fuss at all.

No fuss showering and changing into her pjs and getting to sleep. In fact, though she took quite a while to sleep, she didn't even make much noise as compared to usual so that's good.

Plus, she was so well behaved despite the fact that it was about time when she would have felt tired, and would've been cranky, but she wasn't at all! Throughout the time from when we put her on the pram till she fell asleep, I felt so sorry that she had to sit and I couldn't carry her, plus she had to have that stupid rain cover on which she didn't really like much. I felt so bad, but I really didn't want her to fall ill, and she understood my intentions <3

Sure, the day started off not too well, and the past week was tough, but just these few moments make everything worth it. I know it's not like this good behaviour will continue tomorrow and will be permanent. No, I am not being pessimistic and doubting my daughter's abilities. I'm just saying..she's a kid, and all kids have their mischievous ways. But really, the one or two hours where she was so co-operative, makes everything feel SO.WORTH.IT and I am so proud of my little girl.

I'm glad that Kaitlin has grown so much. Sure, she is cheeky and can be naughty and stubborn, but I'm glad that I can still talk her around and she'll listen and even understands. I was already worrying what to do with this fiesty one. I wouldn't be surprised if she was rebellious and all, but there is hope I guess! Patience and love, are two very important things I've learnt being a mother thus far. I really hope I can bring Kaitlin up to be a fine young lady with good values.

Kaitlin, you've been so wonderful and great this evening. It really makes mommy feel so happy. I know you're a bright girl who can be really mischievous, but you can be a really good girl as well. Thank you for being so cooperative this evening. I'm sure you can continue this great behaviour, especially since you are growing up and starting to understand our intentions better. Lots of love and kisses from Mommy to you. I love you sweetheart and I hope you continue to grow up being an understanding and thoughtful girl.

That's a picture of Kaitlin I took yesterday, while we were waiting for Daddy Li to cut his hair. I'm starting to feel like I can foresee what her personality and character is gonna be like from these pictures! Hehe we'll see if my guesses are right :)

Breathe.

If I just breathe
Let it fill the space between
I'll know everything is alright
Breathe.

It's amazing how we all could be easily contented when we were young and naive. Now, we are just chasing for more, and simple and easy is never enough.

Back then, everyday was refreshing, a new adventure and they were just carefree days.

Such if life..growing old :(

I know those days will never return, but I'm happy that I can have some pockets of quiet moments like now to bring back those feelings, and make me feel like I'm floating again. I never want to lose those feelings.

November [ in pictures ]

Wow! It's already the second day of December! See..I told you time flies. 

Nov was pretty much spent with happy smiles, yummy food, and silly antics from the little one as you can see below!

How was your Nov? Only one month left till the end of the year. Definitely hoping that the year ends off on a good note esp since the last few days haven't exactly been splendid. We'll see how it goes I guess! 

Dec is gonna be filled with lots of to-do's like finding babygirl's preschool, our hdb appointment, starting on some sensory learning activities for her at home, meeting and catching up with friends, and possibly starting on something new. It really is a case of so many things, too little time :( I don't even know if we'll be having an x'mas dinner cos it's just too much. Hate that feeling, but I'll just try to stay positive and go, go, go!

This is really random, but I read somewhere that "there's no right or wrong choice, it's what you make out of the decision". That's kind of right I guess..oh life, filled with so many what if's. Wished I was back to being a kid, and I didn't have to decide on anything and if anything goes wrong I wouldn't have to worry at all. December, please treat me well!

Before the year ends..

Okay, so don't we all set resolutions at the start of the year? How many of us have fulfilled them or are even halfway through the list? Or..are you like me, and have forgotten what goals you have written down? Like literally, I can't recall a single one except maybe there was one to spend less and go on a holiday or something like that. Well, obviously not going to happen!

It's okay. Just to make sure that 2012 has not been a wasted year, I have decided to come out with some   goals that I shall get around to doing these last few months before the year ends. It wouldn't hurt to try, so why not!

1. View finish my long list of potential pre-schools & get Kaitlin enrolled.
2. Plan and start on sensory learning activities for Kaitlin
3. Spring clean the entire house. No, I'm not being kiasu and getting ready for CNY. My house just seriously needs to be tidied and organized.
4. Start exercising again (even if it's once a week, better than none!)
5. Get started on something I've been planning for quite a while. (*note to self: stop hesitating!)


Yes, only 5 resolutions even though to be frank I can think up a whole long list, but seriously I wouldn't even be able to get through half of them so no point. Plus, instead of always having a long list, why not start with a small one, it would be easier to accomplish :)


Have a great start to the week guys and btw, we are only less than a month away to X'MAS :D:D

Friday Five - National Peanut Butter Lovers Month!

It's only the second day of November, but it has started out gloomy on my side. Most of the gloominess is due to the weather. Yesterday was mostly an on and off rain day, and it seems like an impending heavy rainfall will hit us for the rest of the week. Been reading snippets of news about Hurricane Sandy, and that really makes me feel sad :(

It's like why must there always be a hurricane or a tsunami happening every other year :( global warming needs to stop! I know that's impossible, but seriously I would want my great grandchildren to still be able to see trees and breathe clean air.

Another gloomy matter..my babygirl is down with a cold. Been a week, and we have brought her to the docs on Tues but she's recovering really slow. Thankfully, and I am really thankful, she is still as active and happy :)

In light of all things gloomy, this week's Friday Five shall be food related, and what better than licking spoonfuls of peanut butter from the jar to drive away all the blues!

Bet you didn't know November is National Peanut Butter Lovers Month! I don't think I know of anybody who does not like peanut butter..okay, so maybe there are one or two people who don't but seriously it's peanut butter!

This is really random, but I'm just wondering..if people who like smooth and chunky types of peanut butter have different types of personalities or outlook on life? I'm more of a chunky peanut butter type of person..but I do find myself wanting some smooth peanut butter on days where I feel like I need some calm in my life..okay that was really random.

Back to the point of this post! If you've gotten bored of licking peanut butter off the spoon or having pb & j sandwiches, here are five peanut butter recipes that look oh so yummy that i've got to share:

via Bakers Royale

via Spoon Fork Bacon

via TheKitchn

via Sophisticated Gourmet

via Sally's Baking Addiction

Feel free to check our my Pinterest (@beaverwoo) for more Peanut Butter recipes. Look under Sweet Treats :) If you've got a recipe to share, please drop a comment as well, interested to check them out!

Garage Sale

We finally had our garage sale today!

Spent the most of Saturday digging out everything and displaying them. It was of course very tiring plus we had to take care of the little one. Thankfully, there was Lihai so I could take care of Kaitlin. 

Kaitlin's usual play area got transformed into our "garage". Kinda felt bad that she didn't get to play at here usual spot :( Our garage sale was from 11am - 6pm but even before 11am we had people coming in already. It rained mid afternoon and after the rain no one came :( half of our flyers that were stuck on lamp posts dropped so I suppose that's probably half of the reason. Overall, we sold quite a fair bit so that was good.

We were supposed to have the garage sale back in June. I even did up the flyer already but we were just too lazy, and I shall admit that I was not ready. 

It's tough you know. To sell away your memories and items that were close/had meaning to your loved one. I'm lucky to have Lihai who understands that I just needed time and space. So time passed, and I guess everyone was just waiting and expecting me to get to doing this garage sale. I didn't want to disappoint, and I felt that Kaitlin really needs more space. It's just time for me to learn to be practical about such situations, and to just tell myself to stop holding on to the past. It's not simple, it's emotionally and mentally draining and it hurts a little, but what's got to be has got to be done, whether or not I'm fully ready.

I've got to admit that while I helped initially, midway, I just decided to look after baby and hide in the rooms. Very grateful to have Daddy Li to help me out with the garage sales cos it was just too much for me. I was really tired from lack of sleep, and it was just too much in a day. 

Even at the age of 21 - an adult already, it's not easy to let go. Most people around me are probably thinking "let go what?" They are just junk and useless items/you don't even use them anyway/it's taking up space. Well you are all right, that's for sure, but some of the items have a significance in my life and of course everything that was being sold has much much more significance to the one that bought and owned the items. That person happens to be someone very important in my life. That person happens to be my late father.  

At this point, even though things have been sold and the garage sale has been over for at least a few hours..I would really just snap at anyone who tries to tell me off for being silly and thinking that way. Let's hope after tonight's sleep..I would really be able to 'let go'. 

I'm chanting in my head as I type this..that "what needs to be done has to be done" + "the things are gone, but the memories stay" + "it's time to move on" + "you've got to do it (move on), it's the only way whether you like it or not" (something my dad would definitely sternly and firmly say whenever I'm wallowing) + "only when you let go, you can move on, and be a happier person" + "just move forward" + "stop wasting tome, move forward and get over it, there's still ten billion things you've got to do and problems to face" 

It's certainly be a draining weekend D: Tomorrow is Monday, but I can say for sure that the Monday mood has already set in for me since about 12 hours ago. I think I need me some retail therapy + sweet treats :( I'm looking forward to the new week to start cos our third year anniversary is on Thursday :)

Enough emotional vomit! I hope you all have a great start to the week. We are already into the middle of October and I can't wait for Halloween to come cos after that, it means Christmas is super near :))

Kaitlin is ONE YEAR OLD!

As of today, yes at 16:38, my babygirl is ONE YEAR OLD! *throws all sorts of confetti you can possibly imagine into the air* :D

Oh my! Where do I begin?! It's really been such a journey, and now she has graduated from being an infant, to a toddler! I've a toddler guys! A toddler! You know what that means?! Soon, she'll be walking around the house, running and potty training will start. Before I know it, she might start jumping, talking (real words), dancing and the list goes on. Actually, to be frank, I'm not very sure what toddlers do other than the fact that they are much more active. Pretty evident signs from the photos below:

Now I feel like a lost woman again. The same feeling I felt when it hit me that I've a baby to look after, and I completely do not know what to do. Yes, sure I read up, but hello...it's a totally different thing when it comes down to actually looking after a baby. Now, I'm feeling unsure of what's next and how to handle a toddler. Back then, it seemed like it would be much easier to look after a toddler compared to an infant. Yet now, it seems like babies are a much better option after all. Well, cos they can't really move and they have so little needs. Food, water, poop. They don't even need to be entertained when they first come out and for the next few months after. A toddler,  brings about a whole new situation, and I just really don't know what to do or to expect! Baby steps I guess..or in this case..toddler steps! Hurhur geddit?

Currently, as it is, my just turned one year old has already started showing first signs of her personality. I'm gonna be honest and say..it doesn't look pretty and it ain't going to be easy to handle! She likes to throw things, yes, on purpose and she will start kicking up a fuss when she doesn't like something. When we do not oblige, she breaks out into tears. Well done, child! You have successfully taken after your momma when she was a small girl! Yes, I shall admit, I was indeed not that easy to handle and I suspect this is karma. Let's just hope she inherits some form of goodness from her Papa's genes.

In her last month of infanthood,

Kaitlin is still not sleeping through the night
She is very much attached to the breast
She eats her solids, but not alot
She has tried parsnip, pumpkin, home cooked veggie stock, apple & cinnamon cereal
Kaitlin can drink from a sippy cup!
She has developed a habit of sticking her index finger into her nose and mouth. Yes, that's super disgusting, and we always push her finger away and tell her no. Obviously, not working but we are trying. I guess its normal, but damn annoying and unhygienic please.
Kaitlin likes to play with my belly button before she goes to sleep
She starts to ignore me and attempts to escape to play whenever I try to read her a book
Her fourth tooth is out!
Kaitlin finally sits down when she has her baths now! When she was tiny we lay her down on this support thing, then when she got older and didn't want to lie down she would stand up..and everything I attempt to sit her down she would get angry/cry. Now, she does it voluntarily!
Needles to say, bathtime is her fav time!
Kaitlin can stand! Super major happy when she first stood up for like more than 5 seconds. So proud of my babygirl!
She sometimes knows how to imitate our actions or facial expressions.
She knows how to stick her tongue out
New food(s) she has tried: Parsnip, brown rice (grains) pumpkin, apple & cinnamon cereal, egg yolk, cucumber, red capsicum
Kaitlin knows how to Hi-5!
She knows what "wash hands" mean and sticks her hands out on most occasions
She doesn't seem to understand "No" or takes it seriously, but rather mischeiveously continues what she is doing!
Kaitlin knows how to take out her clothes through her head
She recently started pulling her own ears!
She is able to walk with one hand assisted

on Kaitlin:

Dress from Tango Designs | Accessory from Lollipop

Sigh, they certainly grow up too fast. I'm really happy that I've been blessed with a healthy daughter, and that I'm lucky enough to spend first year of her life with her. Looking back, I really don't regret choosing to stay home and look after her. It's tough, and never a bed of roses. Yet, the smiles, that look of innocence when she sleeps and all of her "baby-ness" makes up for it all!

Having her is truly such a joy and blessing. Besides learning how to be a mommy and take care of a young one, it has taught me to grow and mature faster, love unconditionally and how to be grateful and appreciate all the little things in life. Thank you babygirl for coming into my life <3

I will never forget the few days before I had her. The last few hours and minutes before she came into our lives. More importantly, the first few minutes when she entered ours, and how I just held her in my arms. The moment was truly a magical one, and one that I will always hold close to my heart and never fail to remind myself of what a great gift it was and is.

Not forgetting, I finally do have a family of my own! Since having a tough childhood, it has always been my small girl dream to start and have a family of my own when I'm young. I know it's not practical and not easy, but I just always wanted it, and now I really do have it! :D

Kaitlin's turning one also means that Lihai and I have been parents for a year! We lasted through it! This really calls for a celebration, because being pregnant was tough, but raising a baby is harder. I can't believe that we have started our parenthood journey so young, but I'm glad we did. We've learnt so much, and we look at things differently from before. I really am grateful to have Lihai in my life, to be my life partner, and the father of my beautiful child. Really wouldn't have it any other way. At times, things get tough, but it's always better when you are around <3

August [ in pictures ]

So...I ended up not completing the August photo-a-day challenge D: #majorfail

I might consider doing the September one, and hopefully complete it! Anyway, instead of the usual Friday Five, I have decided to post my August..in peektures!

All taken with Instagram (@beaverwoo)! I didn't compile all the photos I took with instagram,but most! 

August was a good month in general! Celebrated my birthday (shall get to blogging about that soon...have been procrastinating cos so many peektures!), babygirl turned 11 months old, we visited new food places (nomxz!), brought Kaitlin to playgrounds quite a few times..met up with friends..and the occasional baking! 

This year, during my burfs, I didn't really know what to wish for..I guess when that happens, it's safe to say that you are happy and contented with life, and I think I am :) Of course, who wouldn't want to wish to be a billionaire and all..but I don't really waste my wishes on those, cos like duh, the likelihood is close to impossible! 

It was also a month where Daddy Li and I got into some serious discussion about our future housing plans. We applied for BTO!! Sadly, we are no.970 out of 572 units -.- What are the odds that we would get to select a flat and it's a decent one?! Oh well, we shall just keep our fingers cross. We also got into a not-so-nice fight during the middle of August..what were you thinking?! Everything is fine and dandy and married couples with kid(s) don't fight? Not true....but I must say, ever since we got married there was a significant decline in the amount of fights/quarrels we had *clap hands* *pat each other's back* :D <3

We also got around to having Kaitlin's photoshoot last weekend and had a mini family shoot in between :) Will defo post peektures when I get them!

2012 is coming to an end faster than you and I know it, and soon it will be 2013! I don't really like 2013..there doesn't seem to be alot of long weekends #justsaying Also, it has been raining so much, the laundry is not drying!! Please stop raining :( I don't like wet clothes and I want to go out without the pitter patter. It also makes me worry about us falling ill, which is never a good thing. Rain rain go awayyy! 

Mid-Week Musings

As you can see....

Kaitlin can stand!! Yes, she can stand unsupported now :D:D It's quite hard to explain how it feels to see your baby growing up and surprising you with all the things she can do. Yes, you know it will happen someday, like your baby being able to sit up, say mama, crawl, and stand. Yet, it leaves you in amazement and you are filled with instant joy! I know every baby will eventually learn to stand and walk and the list goes on..but as a parent, you just feel so damn proud of your baby, like she is a superhero or something..

It's just so hilarious to see her standing up on her own without her even realising that she is not holding on to anything for support..and when she realises, it's just oh so cute to see her feel a little afraid and drop to her knees cos she knows that's the safest thing she can do <3 I really enjoy wondering what Kaitlin is thinking all the time, and how she reacts to different situations..it's really interesting! I always wonder if mankind will invent some sort of thought process machine which will translate what babies are thinking in their little heads so that we'll know! I'll gladly buy that product! 

The last couple of months has made me realise that babies or kids might be tiny..and you would think that they don't know much..but I believe their minds are like a vast ocean..and they are probably much more imaginative than us!

They really are that innocent and brillant at the same time, aren't they! Can't wait to see how much  babygirl progresses by the time she is a year old! #thebigone

Psst...follow me on instagram @beaverwoo if you haven't! I usually post most peektures of Kaitxz and of course, peektures of FOOD!:D

World Breastfeeding Week

World Breastfeeding Week has just begun and to my pleasant surprise, it starts on the same day as my birthday. Somehow, that makes me go "Eh! Got link ah..it's gotta mean something.." Yes, I'm that kinda person. The kind that likes to link things up and make things up in my mind to prove that what I'm doing is fulfilling or has some sort of meaning/meant to be.

*warning!* this is gonna be quite a long post. If you aren't a mommy, you probably won't care much about breastfeeding, so you might want to skip this post.

I have been breastfeeding Kaitlin for close to a year, and honestly speaking, I think even by her first birthday I would still be breastfeeding her.

When are you going to stop breastfeeding? Don't you think it's about time you should stop breastfeeding already? You've breastfed for so long, you can transition to formula milk alr, afterall there have been reports about nut allergy etc etc Are you sure you have enough milk supply for your toddler?


To answer the above...
1. I don't know when I am or will stop breastfeeding. I honestly thought my breastfeeding journey would have ended earlier. To be frank, the 6 month mark was my goal. But having gone beyond that, I'm just like hey! why not continue? So, we'll see I guess. When the time is right..when my babygirl is ready and it doesn't seem like I'm trying to break some bond that I share with her. The only other reason I could possibly think of why I would stop breastfeeding her is cos I have another baby, in my tummy. Sometimes I do fear that one day I might get into an accident or something happens and I can't breastfeed Kaitlin anymore then what's gonna happen? It's gonna be like a total shut down of milk supply, how is she gonna feel? I don't want her to have to deal with that trauma. Yet, I really don't know how I should go about the whole weaning process. I've read online on ways to..but I just can't. Simply cos, I'm not ready.

2. This is gonna sound rude and possibly a little wilful and barbaric. I don't want to stop breastfeeding my child. Can? Yes, I know the existence of formula milk. Heck, I used it since she was a tiny one, no thanks to the older generation (seriously, I won't be fooled or taken it anymore!), but my babygirl does not want formula milk and since I have the resource running..why not? Plus, that saves me some moolah to buy her toys and whatever. Plus, why not longer? Before the invention of milk powder, did people not breastfeed their babies? Is that not how we have generations and how each and everyone of you around? Regarding the nut allergy, I don't have a history of nut allergy, neither does Lihai, so I'm not really that concerned. At most, I'll cut down on the amount of nuts I consume till I stop breastfeeding her.

3. Sorry, I don't have a bloody measuring cup or whatsoever attached to my boob, neither does my baby's mouth serve as some measuring gauge tool, so I can't tell if I have enough milk. To be frank, I don't even think I do, but hello! She is alive and kicking, no? Plus, she is really heavy, so I'm not too worried about that. Plus, she takes solids. Nothing to worry about yah? Seriously, of all things that people ask or comment about when you have a baby and tell them you are breastfeeding, I HATE THIS QUESTION. If you do not know me, and try to strike up a conversation asking me this, I will seriously walk away without replying and hate your guts and tear you apart in my head. If I know you, I will probably ask you to go and die and eat shit in my head as well..#civilisedlikethat

My point is..It was not easy breastfeeding at first. I had no clue. Kaitlin was a tiny little baby, it was so hard to carry her in the right position and get her to latch on the right way. There came a point in time where I had mastitis. A point in time where I got really tired from expressing my milk. Just so you know, I did this with no pump, but pure traditional form of expressing, using my hands -.- Why did I not get a pump? Cos I thought my breastfeeding journey was gonna end early so no point getting. I'm glad I didn't anyway! Perhaps in the future I might. Continuing on, there came a period where I felt like I had no milk/not enough milk and everyone was all against me. (Yes, I remember this period so clearly, I felt like murdering everyone including the husband *stares*) No matter how much I read and tried to increase my milk supply it just didn't seem to work, but look now! HELLO HELLO! I've been breastfeeding for almost a year! Since I've been lucky enough to still be able to breastfeed Kaitlin, so why not continue? Why go against something that is part of nature? Makes no sense to me. I'm gonna be thick skinned and say that it's the best gift that anyone can give to my babygirl and only I can do that hurhur. Makes me feel important in Kaitlin's life as well.

No seriously, breastfeeding your child has so much benefits:

- protects babies from diseases/illnesses
- saves you money
- helps you and your baby nurture a bond
- helps mommies lose weight
- reduced risk of SIDS
- less risk of childhood obesity
- reduced risk of breast/ovarian/cervical cancer for mommies
- protection for mommies against osteoporosis

and..this one I love the most

- delays the return of your period!!!

might be #tmi but I've been period free since last Jan - I think that means I've been period free for about 20 months?

I still remember when I just first gave birth to Kaitlin, the nurses asked if I was gonna breastfeed, and I just said yes. The hospitals were advocating it, it seemed like a natural that everyone does for their kid, so okay, I will do it too. More like a "okay lor, seems normal and quite okay, shall join in the fun too" kinda thing. It was really something totally new and different to me. Now, it's like a routine. I got to admit, I've this bad habit that I've kind incalucated into Kaitlin. Whenever she cries, and I try a few things and she won't stop and it drives me nuts cos I hate noise, I would latch her. IT WORKS LIKE MAGIC! Gives me my peace and calms her down. Win-win!!!!

I seriously strongly encourage all mommies to give breastfeeding a try and persevere on even though it initially can get quite tricky.

As a mom living in Singapore, I do hope that our society becomes more open about breastfeeding.      Sometimes, it's not easy finding a baby room to feed an impatient and hungry baby, and what's worse, more often than not, there usually already is someone occupying the room and you've to wait. One of the many baby buys I've made, and am actually quite relieved I bought is a breastfeeding blanket. It really is just a piece of cloth but it makes my life so much easier. I've used it on so many occasions like feeding Kaitlin on a cab, in a cafe in full view of people and in the middle of a supermarket. I did get quite a few looks from people who weren't parents themselves yet. So here's where I'm hoping people start to accept breastfeeding as something natural and not vulgar or inappropriate to be done in public. We are just as concerned about flashing our boobs to feed our babies in public, but if there is a crying baby, what needs to be done, needs to be done. Just as how you need to eat to fill your tummies, our babies need to do as well, so calm yo tits people! It's just breastfeeding!

Harry Potter x Andy Warhol

A few weeks back Lihai and I finally got around to visiting the Harry Potter and Andy Warhol exhibitions at the ArtScience Museum. We brought the babygirl along with us as well, so I guess that could count as Kaitlin's first time visiting a museum!

That's us being retarded and Kaitlin napping in her pram while we engage in nonsense. Love fun times like this when Lihai joins in and does retarded things with me <3 #reasonswhyIlovelihai

We filled our tumtums first. Had lunch at TCC and just so happened, they were having a one-for-one promotion - wallet friendly I say! While waiting for the staff to attend to us and waiting for our food..

Kaitlin was a ball of energy! Jumping here and there on the couch and pouncing everywhere. A few things I gotta comment about our experience at TCC that day..there was only two serving staff!!! It took forever for them to realise we were waiting for them to show us a table and I had to take the menu myself. Also had to remind them to get me the baby chair cos one of them forgot to bring it over. No big issue there. Just they were seriously understaff-ed -.- 

Good thing I like about TCC is that it is rather kid-friendly. Okay, I'm just basically referring to their baby chair! Look at this:

So kawaii! Clean somemore! I guess it's cos not alot of patrons at the MBS outlet have babies cos the other outlet I went to near Shaw House was rather used already..But still! Their hight chair has like padded cushioning and cartoon characters. Normal places have like boring plastic IKEA ones or like wooden ones. Nothing against IKEA luh, but you would expect baby/kid/family friendly and orientated dining places to have cute high chairs, and you would not expect TCC to be such a place, but surprise surprise! OKAY. I don't know why I'm singing their praises cos of a high chair! Back to the meal! Okay, this is quite wtf, but I can't remember what we ordered, but it was yummy! Portion a little small for us though!

After lunch, we headed off to the Harry Potter exhibition. SO EGGCITEDXZ!!!

 

We could not really take peektures beyond this point -.- the exhibition didn't take us more than an hour to complete. It was a nice experience, but not one that I would rave about. We didn't really take our time to read everything and look at everything in close detail cos babygirl was being restless..we didn't get any souvenirs either! I know...WTH, was gonna get the chocolate frog and jellybeans but didn't in the end. I personally didn't find the exhibition to be that interesting, neither did it leave me with much afterthoughts..usually when I go to exhibitions, I would think about things or wonder how things work or whatever..all I felt when I left was that the costumes and props were really well designed and alot of thought and detail was put into it.

Next up was the Andy Warhol exhibition!!! Lihai wasn't interested in this, neither does he know who is Andy Warhol but he tagged along! #myhusbandawesomelikethat

Me, being retarded. Yes, I can be retarded cos I'm still 20! Hurhur :D

Those peektures were from the showcase that was on the same level as the Harry Potter exhibition. The actual exhibition was on level 3 if I recall correctly. I didn't take peektures there cos Kaitlin was being super restless and cranky by then cos she wanted to nap, and then nap she did, but even then, I didn't get the chance to take peektures :( I actually much preferred the Andy Warhol exhibition. How can someone be so talented?? Makes me feel so inferior. Can go crawl under a rock and hide there foreverrrr.

I really can't wait to bring Kaitlin to more exhibitions and museums. I'm looking forward to all the  funny and yet intellectual questions she could possibly ask me and of course all the interesting and random comments she could make. I can imagine her even pointing out things we adults might not even notice. I'm definitely looking forward to sharing the thrill and joy of being able to get an insight to Kaitlin's thoughts! Can't wait to know what's she thinking, how she is perceiving things, what makes her mind tick, what intrigues and fascinates her. And from there, to know and find out what she is interested in, and where her talent lies. Seriously can't wait for that time to come, but it's fine, that day will come. For now, I will enjoy what's left of her "baby-ness"!